Category Archives: RELATIONSHIPS

LIFE IS SHORT

image taken from www.us-funerals.com

image taken from www.us-funerals.com

It’s trite and redundant to say because it’s been said a million times before:  “Life is short, so make the most of it while you’re still here.”  In my teens, 20’s, and 30’s, I heard variations of that same message echoed by strangers, friends, and family members alike.  I suppose that I understood the whole “life is short” thing intellectually, but I hadn’t really known anyone who was close to me that had died.  Like many young adults, I had felt somewhat invincible through the years.  I hadn’t thought much about death or my mortality, and it’s always felt to me that the grim reaper was doing his thing somewhere else.

I’m 41 years old now.  And lately, I’ve had several close friends lose their Mother or Father.  In fact, I’ve attended more funerals in the last 6 months than I have in my entire life.  Right now a close friend of mine has only 3 months to live, and she’s only 62 years old!!  A 40 year old client of mine recently came into my office to tell me that she has stage 4 inoperable cancer, and she has between 2 to 4 months to live as well.  Finally, a family member of mine just suffered his second heart attack in 6 weeks, and he’s being tended to in a hospital right now unable to breathe on his own.

I’m not writing this blog to depress you.  Please know and trust this.  However, I feel compelled to join the chorus of people who have come before me, and I want to remind you that life is short.  Our time here is ephemeral.  In light of this, do your best each day to not “sweat the small stuff.”  Practice gratitude.  Be of service to others.  Open your hearts and share your love with others.  Practice kindness.  Cultivate deep and meaningful connections with others.  Embrace and cherish this moment Now.  All the while, please bear in mind that a glimpse of  tomorrow’s sunset isn’t guaranteed for any of us.

I realize my recommendations to you may sound cliche.  But the truth is, we’re only on this Earth for a short while.

Carpe Diem!!

Seize the Day!!

John Boesky, LMFT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GROUP THERAPY MAGIC

A Group

Image from montrosecounselingcenter.org

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve facilitated Men’s groups, Women’s groups, Sports Psychology groups, Therapist/Life Coach Training groups, etc. I’ve found time and time again that there’s a magical self-transcendence that takes place in them. Individuals are no longer islands unto themselves privately working one-on-one with a therapist. Instead, they become part of a larger collective, and they develop a sense of kinship and belonging with their peers that they don’t have with their closest friends. This is because groups, when capably facilitated, become safe, sacred sanctuaries where people can take off their masks, shed their personas, and become truly vulnerable and authentic. When this happens, people develop self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance which in turn frees them to experience the grounded joy that comes from connection to themselves and others.

The common misconception that group therapy provides a forum for self-pity, whining, and passivity couldn’t be further from the truth. On the contrary, group therapy is a very dynamic experience. Group members compassionately challenge each other to stretch beyond their comfort zones in order to expand and grow. As for me, I ask my clients to participate in experiential exercises that get them to think and feel and act in new ways that will serve them most in their lives. I also offer my group members teaching pieces on mindfulness, communication, active listening, etc. Most importantly, I make it my top priority to have my clients feel deeply seen and truly understood. Before you know it, everyone is learning how to deeply see, understand, and validate each other. Group members become co-creators, challengers, coaches, confidantes, and great friends.

If you’re looking to grow emotionally, psychologically, and/or spiritually, a therapy group is definitely one place where you can do this. As a matter of fact, in my experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist, Self-transcendence and self-transformation often take place faster in groups than they do in individual or couple’s therapy alone. In light of this, if you’ve ever wondered about participating in a therapy group, by all means give me a call!!  I look forward to hearing from you 🙂  John Boesky, LMFT

COALS COMMUNICATION

Communicate with Positive IntentionAs a Marriage and Family Therapist, it’s imperative that I model effective active listening and communication skills for my clients.  I also choose to take these active listening and communication skills home with me to my wife and family, so that I not only talk the talk but walk the walk.  I want my intentions, words, and actions to be aligned with one another.  This way, I can proudly declare that I’m a man of integrity.

Family therapists often see couples or families who are accusatory, defensive, hostile, and withdrawing in their communication with their loved ones.  Instead of engaging in these counterproductive communication patterns, I encourage my clients to take deep breaths when they’re feeling triggered, and then to be the following in their communication with others:  Curious, Open, Accepting, Loving, and Listening.  The acronym for this is COALS.  When a client has the presence of mind to follow the COALS approach to communication, they emerge from their communication endeavors with others triumphant. The COALS approach lets the light in.  It creates space for two people to be heard, understood, and validated.

It takes self-discipline, mental rehearsal, and practice to enter into a COALS state of mind when communicating with others.  As a Marriage and Family Therapist and communication expert, I encourage you to give it a try.  You’ll love what happens next!!

Sincerely,

John Boesky, LMFT

(Master NLP Practitioner/Certified Hypnotherapist/Dharma Life Coach/& Sports Psychology Consultant)